Snow Drops

So, here’s the funny  about any sort of grand post. Anytime you get to declare a big truth of sorts, beware, cause it will get challenged.

Case and point, the moment I chose to share my own belief in the power of prayer; something deeply private to me up until that point…virtually a day after that moment, I got challenged…the very belief that I shared a day before, got challenged.

I got put in a situation, where two beings, two people that I deeply cared for, were up for a major challenge in their lives, heart breaking challenges and I was completely incapable to help in any shape or form, due to the distance that separated us.

Not even the basic, a hug and a shoulder to cry on…not even that I could offer. I could only listen, be on the phone, and I felt like a helpless witness… I know you would say, that even that can help the ones we love, but that was not how I felt. I felt helpless. I was in a situation where besides being a good listener, the only other thing I could offer was to do my best to send good vibes and pray.

But here is the challenge, good vibes are hard to send, when you are sad and angry at the same time. If in your core you are feeling outrage…Nope, sending good vibes in that type of situation is rather a struggle. It is a lot more easier to blame than pray, you know. And that was the moment, I stepped back and felt the need to laugh at myself. Because if anything, I am not at all the ultimate holder of truth. So forgive me if I sounded like that.

Prayer does help however, especially it is for someone else, to remember that life is not at all about oneself. And if someone else’s challenges turn into a situation that is all about me, my anguish, my anger, my sadness….then perhaps, I am off the track…. and I was.

So me, Ms. I Got It All Handled With Prayer, all the sudden found myself having to do a bit of intense internal emotional work, which quite honestly I am still doing. Life does  throw you curve balls, and what I feel blessed about now compared to 10-15 years ago, is that with a little grace, I somehow managed to assemble a bit of a tool kit that helps me manage what comes next. It does not necessarily make things easy, but it does help me build meaning around it and that makes all of the difference.  It is what got me out of a fairly depressed state many years ago.

So if you ever get yourself in difficult situation, that may even make you see yourself in an unflattering light. Number one, stop judging yourself immediately; number two give yourself some love; and number three consider it your homework to find the meaning behind it. Any human fail, and there are many to go for all of us, is an opportunity to learn and move on.

Why Snow Drops in the title? Not too many know what they are. I always find myself having to explain it. They are some of my favorite flowers. The very first ones to pop on the grown. Sometimes even in the middle of winter, in the midst of snow. All they need is a little sun. They are the ultimate symbol of hope for me. I have them in my garden now, but prior to that, when I lived in an apartment, I used to chase them… go to places where I knew the would grow and look for them. There is nothing quite that gives me the same smile, like tiny delicate white flowers,  growing in the middle of winter.

Last two weeks have been exceptionally warm in Chicago, so I knew that my snow drops would pop on the ground. They did and their timing felt healing. But then couple days ago, we had fairly  violent hail  that woke me in the early hours of the night, and all could hope for with all of my heart was that it did not destroy my snow drops. Then I let go of that though and went back to sleep. The next morning, my snow drops were still intact…

 

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About aneliapetrova

Looking for a creative outlet, or myself... and a place to share my little inspirations wherever they come from- food, movies, life, random thoughts, or the biggest of them all my obsession with the Twilight Series.
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